


Not-So-Homo Cinderella

by allgoodinthebluehood



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: Crossdressing, Dave in a dress haha, God Tier, I don't know, M/M, Three?, Two chapter fic?, gender swap
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-14
Updated: 2015-11-14
Packaged: 2018-05-01 13:57:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5208410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allgoodinthebluehood/pseuds/allgoodinthebluehood
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Oh shit he's hot.</p><p>John Egbert was the school jock, highest in grades, and total heterosexual. Which is bad for you because you're not a girl. You're irony extraordinaire, Dave Strider. </p><p>With your weird step sisters, one a semi sobering up drunk with the hots for the egg and the other a total lesbian, a guy to girl alter ego and raging oblivousness that can be very contagious, the possibility of getting the attention a blue prince on Halloween night is little to none. </p><p>But with some "magic" you manage to get it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not-So-Homo Cinderella

**Author's Note:**

> I was struck with inspiration  
> Again.  
> I haven't even finished one work so I'm just like Hussie in that sense.

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 5:53 a.m.

TG: look he's not interested  
CG: YEAH FUCKWAD BECAUSE YOU HAVENT EVEN MADE A MOVE ON THE CHEERFUL IDIOT YET  
TG: true  
TG: but god  
TG: hes a straight guy with a great bod  
TG: charming personality  
TG: and high grades  
TG: so its almost impossible to get to him  
CG: STRIDER YOU ARE AN IMBECILE  
CG: GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS AND APPROACH HIM  
CG: WITH WHATEVER YOU WANT I DONT CARE  
CG: I HAVE TALKED TO HIM MULITPLE TIMES AND HE IS AS HARMFUL AS A HOUSE FLY  
CG: SERIOUSLY HE'S HARELYS BROTHER   
CG: HE SEEMS PRETTY NICE FOR A GUY WHO IS THE STEREOTYPICAL POPULAR GUY OR WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT   
CG: TEREZI EVEN THINKS HE "TASTES" GOOD  
CG: OR WHATEVER THE FUCK SHE SAYS ABOUT HIM TASTING LIKE SOUR BLUEBERRY PIE  
TG: its not just about that  
TG: or whatever he tastes like   
TG: the fact is is that he's straight  
TG: as straight as a ruler  
TG: a really fine ruler  
TG: that the gods brought here  
TG: and said  
TG: "wow do you think the people deserve this fine usage of the metric system"  
TG: and they're like  
TG: "nah but lets give them him anyway"  
CG: YOURE RAMBLING AGAIN  
TG: damnit

 You hear mom screaming for a drink and you type up a fast message. Her slurred voice echoes through the halls, mispronouncing your name a good amount of times.

TG: queen mom is in need of a fine wine  
CG: GO ON YOU DICK  
CG: AND REMEMBER   
CG: HALLOWEEN DANCE   
CG: DONT DITCH ME AND TEREZI LIKE LAST TIME ASSHOLE

carcinoGeneticist [CG] quit pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 6:02 p.m.  
carcinoGeneticist [CG] became an idle chum!

TG: hey you knew i was busy last time  
TG: and see ya

turntechGodhead [TG] quit pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] at 6:03 p.m.  
turntechGodhead [TG] became an idle chum!

 Last year, when you were a junior, Karkat, Jade, and Terezi had asked if you could come to the Halloween dance since you haven't been to a social event in ages (It wasn't as if you hated them it's just that Mom wouldn't let you until you fixed her room and her clothes, which by the way took 3 hours almost all the time. Where she got the various bottles of wine you will never know). That time you did want to go, cross your heart, but apparently Vriska was dating John at the time and you didn't want to see that. You told them you were doing your family's laundry and they let you be because they knew you had chores to do. And they knew about the whole Vriska-John thing.

The next day they brought over apple juice and doritos, very good diet you must say, with Karkat being a tight ass, Jade trying to help, and Terezi talking about the other jocks tasting like prune juice and the nerds tasting like honey. Roxy was at someone's house doing a project so she couldn't help you there and Rose was trying to pry into your feelings then her surrendering telling you that her door was always open. Your step sisters were nice but sometimes it was a little overwhelming. To wallow you played CoD an d the old Mario Kart, constructing all your anger at the Serket bitch by annihilating Princess Peach. To be fair, she was in second place and made your car go haywire with a banana peel.

"Dave, when you comeback from school, could you clean Roxy's, Rose's and my room?"

And then their's your step-mom. 

She isn't a bad person just a bad parent. In your opinion. If only she had noticed it was Halloween night.

The story between your mom and your brother was that they fell in love in a bar, got hitched and your bro died because of a guy named something with _Noir_. He had stabbed him at the top of the apartment rooftop right through the chest. With insurance, the funeral was a closed casket. No one wants to see a guy with triangular shades and a knock off Ralph Lauren polo covered in his own blood. No amount of bleach could take out the blood that left his body. Some of it was from that Noir guy so he put up a fight till the bitter end you guess.

Right after the whole ordeal, Mom left that blood-soaked building for a nice one around the suburbs of Washington state. At first your sisters were kind of bitchy, Rose having a passive aggressive war with Mom and you and Roxy showering you with unneeded affection as an attack of her own passive aggressiveness . When people ask about your childhood's, you'd say all of you were just bitter about the whole move but the whole family knows the true deal. Fucking hormonal thirteen year old me. 'Too many strifes' you think as you pick out a pinot grigio that's been gritty for a while in the cellar.

Thanks to your bros puppet porn industry (which is still running and keeping your family alive) you had gotten a pretty sweet house. A room for you, Rose and Roxy, and Mom. Plus the wine cellar. But for two alcoholics in the house it was a need. Three if you count Rose on her monthly "sips". Roxy was already legal at the age of 19 but Rose just had a few secret sips of wine thanks to your big sis.

"Yeah sure mom," you yell back. "Anything else?"

"Get milk and cat food. Vodka Mutini needs it." You pour her a glass of wine and ascend up the stairs, right to your mom's room.

You hand her the crystal glass of wine and she takes a huge swig. Her tolerance of alcohol is enough to put a man to shame. Same for your sister.

She waves you goodbye and you run down the stairs, change, get ready and wait for Jade's bright green jeep. Rose and Roxy get driven by mom and you choose to go early just to hang around the other theater students. If you squint, you see a mop of black hair and green eyes with two people who you guess are Karkat and Terezi. They come closer and you find that you are correct.

"Hop in coolkid!" Terezi says, with a winning smile of sharp teeth and blackish lipstick. Karkat just grunts, red hair still messy and untamable. Part of that you bet is from Terezi. 

Jade greets you with an actual smile of normal teeth and hits the gas, directed to the school, showing no signs of slowing down to the maximum mile limit. You know a lot of law breakers.

Karkat sits in shotgun, arguing on "White Chicks" not being a good romantic comedy while Jade is just defending it with no interest whatsoever on the movie. We both know that she just likes riling Karkat up. One time he turned so red Terezi had to put water on his face. That argument was on Will Smith being the best actor and then Terezi insisting he was shitty. He was. 

We all get out of the car as Jade pulls into the parking lot, barely finding a spot.

"Hey, let us get a spot, will you?" Jade shouts. Some assholes beat us to one spot near the school and laughed. Why if I got my hands on them I would-

Then he comes out. 

Cheesy plot be damned. HIs blue eyes sparkle, black hair pushed back by his thick rimmed glasses which looks  _adorable_ on him, and a blue flannel accenting his probably chiseled chest. His laugh doesn't make his mouth reach his eyes but he still looks like a genuine goober and he has your heart in his hands  _why._

"Asshat we're in school so get your eyes off of windy boy." You hiss at Karkat. Both girls just chuckle. We made that nickname when Jade had joked about John giving me a good blowjob and saying he was almost as fast as the wind. So "windy boy" was a name that wasn't that suspicious. No one can know about your love of the d.

You earned a reputation of being a total mysterious coolkid, some of those sword skills leaking out (one kid asked you if you killed your brother and you almost kicked him if it weren't for Jade doing it instead then getting detention for you). Others, such as girls, pursued you to go out on a date and you had rejected them. They just weren't your preference. And none had eyes like his and a winning smile. 

You take out your books for homeroom and make your way to the auditorium. And no one had specified a certain newcomer in the room. Whoever knew about this before you will suffer greatly. Or maybe get a kiss on the cheek because you don't know if you want to murder or smile but it's a good combination of both because he's here. The guy you've been pining on for ages.

John Egbert is on the piano and it is heavenly. 

A small group of people are gathered around him, including Jade, and what he is playing is classical and upbeat sounding to others but it carries a hint of being forlorn in it. Do you know what it is? No but you want to find out. With that, you gravitate a little closer to them just to hear him play.

He stops and the teacher starts to talk and say something about practice makes perfect but you find yourself humming the tune from earlier, your vision not catching a blue-eyed boy trying to penetrate your glasses just to see your own.  

 --

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:45

GC: H3Y COOLK1D  
TG: terezi its lunch  
TG: what do you want  
TG: actually why arent you talking to me instead of pestering  
GC: DO YOU W4NT J4D3 TO PRY  
TG: no   
TG: terezi just tell me the information that could lead to detention  
GC: 1 DONT G3T P3OPL3 1N TROUBL3  
GC: LOOK MR. BLU3B3RRY PI4NO F1NG3RS  
TG: john  
GC: Y34H TH4T K1D   
GC: 1 KNOW H1S CHUMH4NDL3  
TG: you what  
GC: 1TS 3CTOB1OLOG1ST  
GC: 1V3 S33N YOU ST4R3 4T HIM  
GC: >:]  
TG: how is he gonna react to that  
GC: TO WH4T >:?  
TG: to me just  
TG: randomly talking to him  
GC: JUST TRY 1T  
GC: 1TS G3TT1NG 1NFUR14T1NG JUST W4TCH1NG   
TG: fine fine  
GC: GOOD

gallowsCalibrator [GC] quit pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:49

You stare at the jock tables right in front of yours. Every single one of them seems obnoxious and carefree, girls in short skirts and guys with heavy duty padding in all the body regions. John sits next to Vriska Serket, her with a high ponytail and dark blue lipstick. 

'EctoBiologist' Terezi said. What was an ectobiologist? Some sort of slime study? It was dorky nonetheless so you add him on pesterchum, reminding yourself not to say your gender and name. Better to keep the colloid air of mystery even on a chat log. John's face looks of surprise as he checks his pocket for his phone. You feel the same vibrations through your phone as he starts to type a message.

You added ectoBiologist [EB] as a chum!

ectoBiologist [EB] began to pester turntechGodhead [TG] at 12:51 

EB: hello?  
EB: i'm sorry who are you?  
TG: the man of your dreams thats who  
EB: haha sorry man i'm taken.  
EB: but seriously who are you?  
TG: a person from school actually  
TG: name starts with a d  
EB: i don't know anyone with a name that starts with a d.  
EB: also i have been taught to not talk to people i don't know online.  
TG: no wait  
TG: im rose and roxys sister

What the fuck did you just type.

EB: really?  
EB: whats your name then?  
TG: dove strider  
EB: are you going to the event tonight?  
TG: the halloween dance  
TG: yeah  
EB: can i see you there?  
EB: just incase you are some weird stalker, you know?  
TG: sure  
EB: ok!  
EB: see you then :B

ectoBiologist [EB]  quit pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]  at 12:56

And with that amazing conversation, in fact it was the longest conversation you had with him (the only), the bell rings, signaling the switching of lunch to next period. John returns to his friends and Vriska, pocketing his phone. You follow in suit and Jade beckons you join your small group of friends. 

The things you said replay in your mind. You being a girl, going to the dance-it all seems surreal. To justify it all, your phone becomes a tad bit heavier, feeling like a good sign.

\--

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 4:13 p.m.

GG: dave!  
TG: what  
GG: i keep catching you staring at my brother!   
GG: are you interested in him??? :O  
TG: huh no  
GG: really? karkat said it was true!  
GG: he also said you were talking to him! GG: since terezi gave you his pesterchum and all :P  
TG: he cant keep his mouth shut  
GG: don't blame him! i had to interrogate him with bec until he said something  
GG: and i can help you with information on my little bro ;)))  
TG: no winky face  
TG: your eyebrows better not be waggling  
GG: ooooo  
GG: i can't stop these babies!  
GG: they are totally out of my control! >:)  
TG: oh no  
GG: oh yes!!!  
TG: jade think about the children  
TG: they are afraid of your eyebrows  
GG: they will just deal with it fuckass  
TG: no they will not  
GG: but dave are you going to the dance?  
GG: it won't be fun with just me and karkat and terezi  
GG: and there's johnnnnn  
GG: my bro  
GG: that i can get you to talk tooooo ;O  
TG: jesus  
TG: maybe  
TG: idk  
TG: and besides  
TG: isn't he hetero or some shit  
TG: i told him i was dove strider so  
TG: i dont see him chasing the dick anytime soon  
GG: give me a moment :P  
GG: i'll be right there 

gardenGnostic [GG] quit pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 4:17                                                                                gardenGnostic [GG] became an idle chum!

TG: wait what

 "Jade"

"What?"

"What am I looking at?"

In her hands, she holds a red dress. It's slim, starting out with two fabric straps at the top then melting down into a miniskirt in a billowing train to cover my backside. There's a black leather belt on the waist and the fabric on the back seems to be patterned if you look closer. It seems appropriate but it is made for a woman with a skinnier frame, no offense to Jade. Her body image is perfectly fine but there is no way she is changing into this dress. Also it isn't her color. And you're not a woman. Then why is she holding the dress...

Oh.

"Jade."

"Yes?"

"Please tell me this is for Terezi."

"Nope!"

Groan. "Karkat?"

"Nopity nope nope!"

"Damnit Jade."

Jade is always full of crazy ideas. She's been going on safaris, expeditions, and hikes all her life. She must've picked up some sort of tropical disease from monkeys because if she is proposing the idea that you dress up as a girl for tonight then she must be mad or running a really high temperature. You worry about the monkeys.

She looks at you and you look at her huge black skirt, long sleeved shirt and red and white striped tights. When you are done admiring her goofy attire, your eyes go straight to her ears. _Which are not there._  Her normal ears are not there but replaced with dog ears-actual wolf ears-and it surprisingly brings it all together. 

"What are you doing here and what are you doing with that dress."

She smiles. "I am here to turn you into a woman, Dave. Or should I say, Dove, considering what you told my dear bro."

"Oh hell no."

Jade snickers and throws the dress on you. "Oh hell yes! I didn't spend a good amount of money to pay for your red dress and red converse!"

She then throws a pair of red sneakers and uses her hands to shove you into your bathroom. After you change (You did somethings more ridiculous than this.), your witch friend tells you to stand in front of her. After what she made you put on you're not sure what she's gonna do next.

Jade mumbles a few words, and a few seconds later you am reduced to coughing. Suddenly flesh was moved into different places, not knowing how to describe that in anyway. But if the flesh part had to explained in one word it would be 'painful'. Everything after that is fine. "Oh my god Jade what did you do-"

Your hands go to your lips. Was your voice just an active higher? Your hands roam your body feeling skin in other places and also missing in other spots. "No, no, no..."

Her hands envelope you in a hug then pulls back to admire her creation. Of course, you are the creation. It is unfortunately you."Yes! When you said John was straight I thought, 'Why not turn Dave into a girl?'"

You look around yourself and run to the nearest mirror which happens to a be a full body mirror. What you're looking at is a girl with barely-there hips, tiny breasts, a blond ponytail and shades that look identical to yours. Then you realize this is you, this is Dove, and  you look sort of hot as a girl. Hell, you could say you'd fuck yourself. 

There's a burning question in your mind though. "How'd you get weird gender switching powers and where can I get them?"

"Oh, there's this thing called 'god tier'. In an alternate universe I actually died so someone put me on my quest bed and I became an immortal goddess of the universe. Or the Witch of Space." She giggles like that was a simple thought that could've been answered in my own head. You remember to ask her about this later. 

"Anyway let's go already!" She shouts something to Karkat and he yells something back, his words sounding like a string of muddled curses.

"Jade I have to finish cleaning the house tonight. How am I suppose to go? And my family is expecting me exhausted and in bed. They know long it takes to clean the place. Also I need cat food and milk." You sigh to get the overdramatic point across.  

Her face falls for a second then lights up with an idea. "I know!" 

Within a seconds, a look alike of you appears and starts to go up to your sister's room and clean. You peak at his handiwork and he seems to be eerily following what you would do. His hair is on point, he has the same cheap shades and has that awkward limp that a friend pointed out you had years ago (You need to get that checked out). Maybe even better because he doesn't take breaks. And a grocery bag of cat food and almond milk appear on the bedside of your room.

"Here you go!" She beams, sets off to the front door until you take her wrist and stop her. 

"Good job. Jade. Last problem," you turn to face her,"What happens when he finds out I'm a guy? He's your brother. You should know how he should react." 

"Dave, he'll fall in love with you either way!" Jade claps her hands together and squeals, practically pushing you out the door and into her jeep. "I think I would know my brother." You barely get to bring your props and phone.  

Karkat and Terezi are making banter in the back and they stop talking once they see you. Terezi cocks her head, completely oblivious to the person standing in front of her.

"Who's this chick? She smells like perfumed roses and cola. I thought we were picking up Mr. Cherry Tomato?" Jade laughs and Karkat just huffs in my direction temporarily forgetting that Terezi is blind.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Terezi. That IS Dave."

"Haha! Nice one coolkid! I guess Jade did a number on you then." Terezi was dressed as a dragon lady, her dress being traditional japanese clothing, her outfit going down to her ankles. In a way she looks regal. Karkat chose to be simple. A red full body costume with the hands as claws and two similar claws attached on the sides of his torso. They are significantly smaller and you assume he's a crab, his favorite animal or crustacean, as he would say.

They keep staring at you. You were actually going to be a superhero with turntables so you grabbed those from your bedside. Obviously they weren't real. Someone would have to pay you to make you actually bring your real turntables. All of them smile, Terezi smirks, and they drive up to the high school, you wondering what might happen tonight.

"Oh and Dave?"

You look at her, forgetting that she isn't paying attention to the road. "What?"

"Take your shades off. No one can see your eyes in the dim lights." She winks at you. 

\--

After a push and a shove, you relinquish your shades for your phone. They said if you go anywhere, Jade said that with a wink, you could just contact one of them with pester chum ("You guys sound like a bunch of worried moms.""We just want you to be safe and use protection!""Fuck you, Harley."). And what she said was true. Your eyes aren't hurting from lights since the light in the school is dim, or it's just really cheap, and it actually looks pretty nice. There were people dressed as regular witches and werewolves and others were out of the ordinary with handmade costumes that look like they spent years on them. Some didn't even looked like they wanted to be there. It was a huge mix of Halloween themes that went well together.

And then of course you have people staring at you and your turntables so there's that minor detail. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't really want to make Mom, Roxy and Rose bad people so I flipped the script a bit and made Vriska the evil one.  
> Dave: Cinderella (Just Cinders because it reminds me of fire like his eyes)  
> John: Prince  
> Mom: stepmother  
> Roxy: stepsister  
> Rose: stepsister  
> Jade: godmother  
> This is the longest chapter I have written.

**Author's Note:**

> Soooooooo long.  
> Longest chapter I have written actually.


End file.
